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Monique Muise |
Sugar daddy.
The term conjures up images of a creepy older man hanging around the bar on a Friday night; buying numerous fruity concoctions for his (much younger) date, repeatedly checking the placement of his hairpiece in glass behind the bar, and shamelessly making eyes at anything else within a hundred feet that happens to have a pulse.
But here in Rwanda, this greasy creature inhabits a world beyond the club scene or the seedy hotel room. He can be spotted pulling over to offer a ride to a girl as young as 12 who is on her way to school, or strolling onto a university campus during break time under the guise of a relative for “visits” with female students.
 Photo/Ashley Burke |
He also takes the form of the “sugar mommy” – an older woman who approaches a young boy who attends the same church service as she does, or who is working as a day labourer in her home.
However it might begin, these relationships always results in a situation where the balance of power is shifted squarely towards the older person. A Rwandan sugar mommy or daddy will offer gifts like cell phones, land, beer or even cold hard cash to help cover school fees. They are attentive, flattering and generous with both time and money.
After a few meetings, sex inevitably makes its way into conversation. Young people are perceived as the ultimate sex partners - physically attractive, pliable and eager to please. And they rarely insist on the use of a condom.
That’s where things get very dangerous, says Philbert Rugumire. He works for Public Service International, an organization working to address health issues in Rwanda.
“There are enormous risks,” he explained. “You’ll note that young women between 20 and 24 years old are five times more likely to be infected (with HIV/AIDS) than young men. This contamination is coming from older generations, not boys of their own age.”
Rugumire says the sugar daddy/sugar mommy phenomenon is becoming more widespread, and represents one of the greatest threats to the health and well-being of young people in Rwanda today. While statistics for boys are still hard to come by, health officials say that one in ten Rwandan girls has had sexual relations with a sugar daddy.
In response, the government has launched an all-out assault on the sugar daddy/mommy phenomenon though a new campaign called “Sinigurisha” – which translates into “I am not for sale”. Huge billboards now line the streets in both urban and rural districts, depicting adolescents shunning the advances of older “patrons”. The same messages appear in newspapers, and in radio and television spots.
 Photo/Ashley Burke |
The public is being bombarded with a simple message: this behaviour is not ok.
“We organized this campaign because the situation in this country was not favourable to the healthy development of young Rwandans, particularly with regards to sexual practices,” said Protais Mitali, the Rwandan Minister for Youth, as we sat across from each other in his well-appointed office last week.
“We saw that this behaviour was increasing - and I’m not saying it was out of control, but it was a situation we could not leave alone and we had to take appropriate action to combat these practices.”
Mitali added that the biggest challenge has been getting people to take this problem seriously.
“It’s hard in some ways because there are people who don’t believe this - who think that we are exaggerating by deploring these practices and these manipulations,” he said.
I began to understand what he meant when I arrived to work the next morning and mentioned that I was working on a piece about sugar mommies and daddies.
“Hey, ask that girl over there! She has a sugar daddy!” … (“I do not! He’s my boyfriend!”)
“What’s wrong with sugar daddies, anyway? Do you need one? I know some people…”
“Hey, you can be my sugar mommy!”
I realized then and there it was going to be difficult to find anyone willing to talk about this without bursting into uncontrollable giggles. It’s still largely perceived as a bit of harmless fun – a sexual relationship where everybody wins.
Unfortunately, young men and women are coming up the big losers. Beyond the serious risk of contracting the AIDS virus, young people are vulnerable to numerous other complications.
“It’s through this unprotected sex that a young girl can become pregnant, and become very vulnerable,” explains Rugumire. “It’s also these relationships that can create problems within families, as parents struggle to understand why the child is having sex with someone so much older. It can also compromise a young person’s education, and therefore their future.”
As I wandered between various government offices and NGOs, I began to wonder what this trend looked like at the ground level. While no young boys or girls were willing to talk about it (even anonymously), I finally managed to get an interview with the acting principal of a local school, Emile Rubayita.
He looked at me gravely from across his desk, obviously a bit suspicious of the young western journalist probing into such a sensitive topic.
“I have heard of cases like this in this area,” he began cautiously, emphasizing that none of the students in his school has yet been targeted.
“I hear of people who trick children by giving them money, biscuits or candy to trick them into sleeping with them. It’s very dangerous because adults can violate a young child. If a fifty-year-old tricks a twelve year old into having sex, the child could be seriously hurt.”
The image alone was enough to make my stomach turn.
Whether or not the Sinigurisha campaign will have any effect will be difficult to measure, but the Rwandan government seems to believe it’s worth the effort – and so does Rubayita.
“The state must do everything possible to protect our children,” he said. “After all, our children will be our leaders in the future, and so we must protect them.”